With permission from one of my 200-hour yoga studies program students, I’m posting something she wrote in her journal about the first time she stood up in front of the class to practice teach. There is so much about this so many of us can relate to… new experiences, stage fright and the fear of public speaking, emotions that come up unexpectedly, and the willingness to put ourselves in new situations for personal growth, even if we have achieved great success in other fields or areas of our life. Thank you sweet, dear soul for sharing this so openly and articulately, and for granting me permission to share it with others. You’re not the only one!
At 47 years old, I have been through quite a few things since I took my first breath in 1968. Fortunate, in so many ways. Challenges….highschool, at that time, was a beast. College——well, that’s a story that would make a great Hallmark movie/Harlequin Romance. My friends, who are similarly privileged, have a saying….”the struggle is real”… Right??
I had to take two college courses online in order to renew my teaching certificate (I am/was a secondary social studies teacher) a few years back, this involved an actual IMMUNIZATION. Yes, you read that correctly. A shot. In the arm. So that I could attend FSU ON THE COMPUTER. I guess stepping onto campus to get my ID made me a risk?!? This electronic class thing took me mustering all sorts of moxie and technical skills that come so easily to our kids. BUT I DID IT. and I learned a lot. (Clearly, I was not an English teacher:) I was scared, but it was behind the comfort and safety of my home office. But I digress. It was such a first-world issue, but a challenge is a challenge and its all about perspective.
This yoga training???? WOW. It’s dredging up some things from the seemingly bottomless pit of my emotions. Which Chakra is that again? The thing is, I LOVE IT!! And… it makes me cry. And that is a good thing. Feeling things. Lots of things. Being put on the spot to explain a pose made me feel like the time I got my period, for the first time, in high school, in gym class, in white sweatpants. There’s a word for this type of emotional scar that I can’t recall. Stage fright, fright fright, spot light, want to crawl into the yoga closet and hide under the woven blankies. Enter crybaby. I truly do not melt down like this on a regular basis, but I am an emotional babe, and I’ve managed to live my life to the best of my abilities. Yoga training is pushing my boundaries, and I didn’t realize I had some of the ‘edges’ I am coming up on.
I love the Yoga Sutras. They are clear and concise while being open to interpretation on so many levels. I apologize for all the tears, but I attribute my strength to the depths of my despair, and like Prince said, “If the elevator tries to bring you down, go crazy! Punch a higher floor! If you don’t like the world you’re living in take a look around you. At least you got friends.” (and yoga:)
Happy that yoga is bringing me to a higher floor. Motivation to practice more.